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1.04.2010

Do I Believe? Fight. Fight. Fight.

People that have attained a degree of societal success often mention that they have some "inborn fight", or "the will to never give up", or "a belief that they can accomplish anything". While I don't feel a need to question that these people actually do believe what they say, I do feel a need to understand how they can believe what they say.

I hate to say the following, but I would call myself an average and mostly conventional mid-twenty year old male. I have an early/mid-career level job, a fiancé, a puppy, an apartment in Boston, and so on. I like to think of myself as a strong individual, with goals, dreams, and desires, but I constantly question my motivation and perhaps more importantly, my qualifications.

While in college, the most important skill I learned was that I truly could learn anything; given the time, resources, and motivation to do so. I thought that I could apply this skill to writing, and have had a bit of minor (very minor) success (somehow, Artscope Magazine deems my reviews worthy of publication).

So here I am today, wondering about the words of those who are successful. I want to understand what it means to fight. I wonder if I am built to be successful. I don't have an overwhelming desire to crush opponents or spit venom. I do enjoy battle, although I don't think I've ever really been challenged to partake in one (well, in Karate I think I may have been, thanks Mehmet). Battle in this sense can be intellectual, physical, etc. I ask myself if I truly want to write, do I have the gumption for it? Do I have the will to see it through? Do I have the imagination, the memory, the creativity that is needed? I want to say yes. The more I write this piece now, the more I incite my sense of responsibility to self, but I know that this is a fleeting feeling, one that I have trouble grasping with longevity. I desperately want to say yes, I've got it, I'm doing it, I'm living it, I'm breathing it.

Maybe I need to motivate myself by writing pieces like this one. I'll try it every time the feeling I've stirred starts to slip beyond me.

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